Cue here for snooker!

What’s the difference between an egg a carpet and a bit of crumpet? You can beat an egg, you can beat a carpet. But you can’t beat a bit of crumpet!

What’s white , round and laughs alot? - A tickled onion!

The trouble with political jokes is they sometimes get elected!

What’s the difference between a hedgehog and the Government. The hedgehog has the pricks on the outside!

How do you circumcise a whale? Send down four skin divers!

Diarrhoea is hereditary - it comes through the jeans.

Two fat blokes in a pub. One says to the other “Your round”, the other one says “so are you, you fat  b*st*rd!”

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other “Does this tatse funny to you?”

A three legged dog walks into a wildwest bar and says “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

Man who run in front of car, get tired!

Man who run behind car, get exhausted!